Bill and Karen: A Series of OneShots
by take5
Summary: For my B/K Claim on LJ. Chapters 11 is new!
1. Message, Prompt 38

YOU'VE GOT MAIL

Karen Hayes was a natural born go-getter. Whatever she had set her sights on she achieved. She wanted to go to Princeton, she received early admission. She wanted to graduate with honours, she graduated Summa Cum Laude. She wanted to enter the FBI, she did and for two years was the only woman in her program. There was something about Karen's ambition that was unstoppable, she had definitely proven that.

This determination of course had only been tested on the professional battlefield. When it came to Karen's personal life, she couldn't have more indifferent. She didn't invest the same energy into relationships as she did her career. She'd never married, didn't care for it. Sure, she had lovers over the years but she never chased after men. Instead letting them approach her and making them do all the legwork.

It was different with Bill Buchanan. She was absolutely enamoured with him, a first in her memory. And yet he made no move towards her-he hadn't even kissed her, not even on the cheek! Upon her return to CTU in the days following Jack's disappearance, she took him up on breakfast. One breakfast led to a couple lunches, which was followed by several dinners and endless flirting.

She wasn't sure if it was intentional or not. Whether he was playing hard to get or if he was just shy. Either way, his actions, or lack thereof, were intriguing to Karen. She was enthralled, excited, and at the same time downright frustrated. Deciding to break her own rules she set about taking matters into her own hands.

Slipping the DVD into the player, she dimmed down the lights and took her place next to Bill or rather _on _him. She hoped that the close physical contact mixed with the romantic tone of the movie would make Bill more inclined to move things along. Karen Hayes was anything but patient and the six week routine they were in, which very much resembled the foundations of a dating relationship, was beginning to drive her crazy. While she was hesitant to label it as love she knew she wanted him more than anything else she had ever wanted and thus refused to give up.

Things looked promising at the end of the movie with Karen leaning into Bill, his arm around her shoulders and his head rested upon hers. However, the mood was spoiled when as the credits rolled Bill moved off the couch and away from Karen and the warmth of their embrace.

"Its late, I should go," he stated quietly and moved towards her front hall. Confused, Karen followed suite and watched as Bill pulled his jacket on and began fiddling with the buttons. Moving towards him she buttoned up his coat and gently placed her hands on his chest. Looking up at him she hoped he could sense what she wanted. He didn't.

"I'll call you tomorrow," he said before squeezing her hands and heading and down the driveway to his truck. Shutting the door behind him, Karen leaned against the wall and let out a breath of air. She couldn't help but feel disappointed and unsure, emotions that she wasn't quite used to feeling. Moving into her home office, she sat down behind her desk. It was her favourite room in the house; it made her feel powerful and successful. Looking up at the wall where her degrees and diplomas hung she couldn't 

help but feel motivated and decided that this thing with Bill, whatever it may be, wasn't even close to being finished. _In fact,_ she thought, _it was just the beginning._

Flipping on her laptop and logging into her email, she clicked on 'New Message' and entered the address for Bill's blackberry. Gathering up all her courage she typed her small but direct email

She pressed 'Send' before she could second guess her actions, but a small part of her did wonder if she would ever hear from him again.

Bill was driving in complete silence thinking over the evening's events when his phone beeped. He thought the night had gone well. Then again, it was hard to go wrong with dinner and a movie. He liked Karen, he more than just liked her. But women like Karen scared him and he wasn't entirely sure why. He liked her intellect, he was attracted to her drive, and was mesmerized by her every move. Whenever they were together he was always so caught up in her actions, her words, and her essence that before he realized it the night was over.

He had been so entrenched in his thoughts that he barely heard the tiny noise that his phone emitted alerting him to a new message. Picking up his blackberry his screen lit up and flashed "You've Got Mail". Wondering who could be emailing him at 1:15 in the morning, Bill navigated to his inbox. He was surprised to see that it was from Karen, and was even more surprised by the actual message:

_Thanks for the great evening. But just so you know, next time I'm not letting you leave until you kiss me._

He was speechless. He couldn't stop looking at his phone and fearing that he may cause an accident, Bill pulled over to the side of the road and put the truck in park. Sitting there he continued to reread the email. He could tell she wasn't angry or disappointed and he could practically see the flirtatious smile on her face as she typed this. The problem was; what was he supposed to type back? He contemplated not doing anything, but then he figured him _not_ doing anything is what warranted this message in the first place. Besides, he so wanted to respond, to at the very least let her know that the interest was not one sided but very much mutual.

He began to type his response:

_I look forward to it. _

Was that lame? He couldn't be sure, its been years since he had to seriously play this game. Glancing at the clock he realized that he had managed to spend 15 minutes at the side of the road mulling over the significance of an email; he had to make a decision. Turning on the ignition, Bill pulled back out onto the road all the while deleting his response.

The faint knocking on her front door at 2:00 in the morning pulled Karen from her bed and dragged her downstairs. She had spent the past hour lying in bed chiding herself for her forwardness. _This is why I never was the one to initiate,_ she grumbled as she swung the front door open ready to release her wrath on her late night visitor. Her mood, however, did a complete 180 the instant she came face to face with Bill.

She barely had time to smile when he had her pressed up against the doorway, his hand cupping her face, and his lips on hers. She snaked her arm around his neck and melted against him when he breathed her name. Breaking the kiss, he placed his forehead against hers with their noses touching. The silence lasted only for a second before they both broke out into laughter at the silliness of it all.

And as Bill gathered her into his arms and kissed her again, Karen buried her face into his neck breathing him in. _No_, she thought, _this definitely isn't over. Not by a long shot._


	2. Clothes, Prompt 37

ALL IN 1/1

Furrowing her brow Karen gazed down at the cards in her hand, carefully calculating her next move. Sitting on the floor across from her Bill waited impatiently. This was not how he anticipated his evening would turn out. The raging storm outside left them powerless and stranded for the evening and Bill was partially relieved that they had no prior plans.

It was ironic that their retirement suddenly allowed them to regain their evenings and weekends and yet in the months since moving up to Vermont they had been busy every weekend. Social time was no longer a luxury but a normal part of life that their careers hadn't allowed before. This was weekend was the first in three months that the couple did not have a social obligation. The prospect of having _nothing _to do slightly alarmed Bill. With no work or friends to occupy his time he was nervous at spending an evening alone with Karen considering things were, while significantly better, somewhat strained. Thus he was relieved when she suggested an after dinner game.

Shuddering due to the cold that was beginning to seep into him, his impatience got the better of him.

"Can you play or are you finally going to fold?"

She smirked and peered over her cards at him. She wondered if he knew how funny he looked sitting there in nothing but boxers, a t-shirt, and one sock. Glancing over at the pile of his clothing next to her she felt somewhat proud. It was she who suggested poker as an after dinner game. He was willing as long as it was strip poker, to which she agreed and here they were an hour and a bottle of wine later; Bill with nothing on and Karen who was fully clothed.

Raising an eyebrow, she slowly pushed her chips into the centre of the floor along with the rest of the pot.

"All. In."

She said with a satisfied grin which elicited a snort from Bill. There was no way she was going to win this round. He had a straight and he knew she had nothing since she had been hesitant the entire hand. Victory would be his! Calling her bluff, he moved all his chips over to where hers rest. Pleased that he was able to surprise her, Bill laid down his cards in triumph.

"A straight, huh? That's impressive Bill," Karen whispered as she carefully laid her cards down next to his. "But I'm afraid even that's not enough: Flush."

Bill choked on his wine and looked down at her hand as Karen threw her head back and laughed maniacally. _Who taught her how to play? _Defeated, he slouched back against the couch and watched as she gleefully got to think about which article of clothing he would have to remove next. However, he was surprised as she gathered up his already discarded garments and handed them to him. Finishing off her glass of wine, she leaned over and placed a gentle, deep kiss on his lips. Pulling back she stared at him enticingly.

"Put your clothes back on," she quietly demanded.

"Karen, the purpose of strip poker is that the loser is supposed to remove clothing, not put it back on," he chuckled, but added more seriously "Unless of course, my punishment is no sex, which, up until two seconds ago, is where I thought this was going."

Grinning, she pulled him off the floor and began leading him upstairs.

"It is and you will be undressed by the end of the night. But this time, I want to be the one who takes off your clothes."


	3. Ashes, Prompt 10

ASHES

Walking into her house he was hit with the feeling of warmth and love. Her home was decorated in warm colours, filled with large, comfy furniture, and the walls covered with family photos. She ushered him into the living room and encouraged him to make himself at home while she finished getting ready. There was something about her style, her taste which surprised him. Its unique and feminine and yet so elegant. It looked like it could be in a home decor magazine, not that he would ever admit he knew what that looked like.

But there was one item in particular that caught his eye. Placed centrally on the mantel was a vase-like object, beautifully decorated in a navy and white paisley pattern. His first thought was that it matched the wall colour perfectly before it dawned on him what the object actually was; an urn.

He breathed out slowly and reminded himself what he was working with. He knew Karen was a widow, he'd always known that. Glancing at the picture of her late husband next to the urn that held his ashes, Bill gave a quick moment to his former colleague.

He wasn't sure if Karen knew that he and her first husband, Paul, were acquaintances. _More than acquaintances, _he conceded. They had been school peers in the Academy and then worked in the same unit for the first five years out. Afterwards, their paths had parted but Bill always heard updates on Paul's career through the internal grapevine.

He briefly considered telling Karen about his connection to Paul but then thought otherwise. She might have questions about him from his early days, questions that he didn't feel like answering.

Truth be told Paul wasn't the greatest man. In school he was arrogant, always showing off and picking on the weaker ones. In the field he was sloppy and easily distracted by anything in a skirt. He thought back to the few times the CIA had to 'take care of a problem'.

Bill cringed at the memories. The other agents, himself included, always felt sorry for Mrs. Moray-whoever she was. They heard the jokes he made about her and saw the things he did behind her back. No one had ever met her, but boy did they sure feel sorry for her.

Upon hearing about Paul's, four years ago by heart attack, Bill had flown out to D.C for the service. It was only then that he discovered that Mrs. Moray was actually Karen Hayes, head of Homeland in Washington. He had many conference calls with her but it was the first time he'd ever seen her. His immediate thought was that she was just as beautiful as she sounded. He shook his head for thinking such thoughts. He wanted to offer his condolences but looking at the crowds of people surrounding her, he decided against it and left. That had been the first and last time he'd seen her until that day at CTU.

His thoughts were interrupted by Karen entering the room with her coat and purse.

"Ready?" She smiled and his heart leapt.

"Definitely."

Leaving the house she wrapped her small hand into his and squeezed it gently. It was then that he fully understood that he had been given the opportunity of providing this wonderful woman with everything; everything she wanted, everything she deserved, and more importantly everything Paul had failed to. And damn it if he wasn't going to do right by her.


	4. Tied, Prompt 01

BOUND

In hindsight, it was probably wasn't the greatest idea to take ten days off consecutively, not to mention actually leave the country. With both their jobs, emergencies were highly likely, the fact that they would both be unreachable for over a week was a risk and they knew it, but a risk they were willing to take nonetheless.

The proposal had been spontaneous; she figured the wedding should be as well. It was New Year's Day, and after they awoke, they silently began to make love-something they had neglected to do the night before, instead choosing to simply pass out after the evening's festivities. Afterwards, lying side by side, he stared at her with such intensity that for a moment she feared what he was thinking. But when he opened his beautiful mouth, his words were anything but nerve-racking.

He told her that the past eight months of his life had been better than any year he'd ever lived. And that wanted to wake up every January 1st feeling the exact same way, then he asked her to marry him. She was surprised at the emotion that came over her in that moment, and smiling a watery smile she could only nod her answer.

It didn't take her long, only a few days, to decide she didn't want a wedding. What she really wanted was a marriage. Both of them had done the white wedding before, back when they were younger. Instead they decided to head up to Montreal and elope in an old cathedral. Then they would head down to Ottawa for Winterlude. He promised it would be romantic, fun, and unique; and it was.

The ten days were exactly what they both had needed. However, it was upon their return that things turned dark. When they got home both Bill and Karen had an additional two days off to rest before heading back to the grindstone. But three hours after returning home and Karen was itching to get back to the office.

"I'm just going to drop by and check in," she promised, picking up briefcase and swiping her keys off the hall table. "I swear I'll be back in two hours for dinner." As she kissed him and left the house, he couldn't help but shake his head and laugh.

But forty five minutes later, he got the call.

"Bill," her voice was shaking. "You better get to CTU straight away."

When he burst into CTU not twenty five minutes later, his staff looked shocked to see him. Shocked and scared.

"I want updates from every department on my desk in five minutes," he barked before racing up to his office.

His fury worked and within three minutes he had reports from every team leader. The results: not good. While he had been away, CTU was successful in infiltrating a terrorist cell that they had been tracking for months. Unfortunately, that was where the success had ended. The arrests had gone badly, interrogations even worse, and he didn't even want to think about the disastrous paperwork because of it all. The bottom line: CTU was in shambles without him, without Jack, and now-apparently-without Audrey.

Taking a deep breath he dove into the endless mess and began prioritizing and delegating the work. The Boss was back and everyone couldn't have been more thankful.

He had been so invested in work that he didn't even hear her come into his office two hours later.

"Hey," she said softly.

He looked up from his desk; his eyes tired and face drawn back.

"Hi. Thank you for calling and warning me. This is a mess."

She nodded. "I know."

"I've completely restructured the teams. I've got six people doing interrogations right now but I think the damage has already been done. Those suspects know that we've dropped the ball and they're going to use that to their advantage. It'll be a miracle if we can get anything out of them now."

"I have eight people," he scoffed, his voice getting louder. "Eight people trying to clean up the paperwork but that will be useless unless we get something out of the interrogations. I have two tact teams looking into the extensive damage that was caused during apprehension. For Christ's sake, what the hell happened here?!"

She winced and a look of guilt passed over her face. He saw it and instantly reprimanded himself. It wasn't her fault, if anything she saved him.

"I'm sorry," he quietly breathed. Sitting next to her on the couch he took her hands in his. "I don't regret going away to get married. I don't. What I regret is that I can't take time off without my staff completely fucking up. I love you and that was the best vacation I've ever had. "

She gave him a wry smile. "Aren't I supposed to be comforting you?"

"That depends; do you have more bad news for me?"

Sighing she moved off the couch and away from him. It would be easier to tell him without the warmth of his body and the gentle touch of his hands comforting her.

"Bill," she began in her 'work' voice, but seeing the pain etched across his face she softened.

"Bill, you have to let him go. I know that this cell has been CTU's top priority for three months now. And you had a lot riding on the successful apprehension and interrogation of Abu Fayed."

"But things have changed," she sat back down across from him. "The arrest was disastrous and CTU's been interrogating him for four days now and you've got nothing to show for it."

It was his turn to wince at her harsh words. Sharp and to the point-that was his Karen.

"At this point you can't even be sure that Fayed is as involved as you think he is."

"OH, he's involved, Karen. That I know."

"Fine then, prove it." She sat back and folded her arms over her chest.

"I can't," he muttered and began pacing the room. "Where is this pressure coming from Karen?"

Sighing she got up to stand behind him as he looked out the windows of his office down into the pen.

"Division," she whispered. "And Homeland. Division is claiming that you have nothing legally to hold him with, and they're right. He's already been held far longer than the law would allow for. God forbid any human rights groups found out. They'd have a field day..." she trailed off.

"And Homeland doesn't think that it's worth CTU's time. Most of these guys are low to mid level crime; they aren't worth the time and efforts of a federal agency. There are bigger fish to fry-"

"He _is_ a big fish, damn it."

Circling her arms around his waist she placed a soft kiss on the back of his neck.

"C'mon Bill, just let him go. Let him go, finish the up the reports, give them to me, and I'll blue file them over at Homeland. This way CTU can start to pull itself back together, we can go home, and we can all put this behind us, hm?" She kissed his neck again, feeling that his defences were weakening.

"Alright. Call it in. I'm going to tell everyone party's over-Dad's home."

It was nearly midnight and CTU had quieted down considerably. Bill had sent home all the unnecessary staff and kept only his core team for the remainder of the evening. They had ended the interrogations, cleaned up most of the files and reports, and properly arrested and jailed those apprehended with criminal records. Unfortunately for Bill, Fayed was not one of them.

Karen watched as her husband stood in front of Fayed, papers in hand, and her heart broke. She believed Bill when he said that Fayed was guilty, and capable, of more than what they could currently convict him with. But with pressure coming down on her from Homeland's superiors to force Bill to release Fayed, not to mention the disaster they found CTU to be in, it all created for one distressing mess.

She wished it could have ended differently, but ultimately he had no choice and she knew it. What she didn't know what was that mess was far from over, and it would only be a matter of months before it would resurface to haunt them both. Only that time, it would be her hands that were tied, she would have no choice and she could only pray that _he_ knew it too.


	5. Paper Cut, Prompt 17

At forty five years old Karen had never had so much fun in her life, until she met Bill Buchanan. Strange, since he was a man that at first glance did not strike people as being anything more than serious and straight laced. But now looking back on their courtship she realized how wrong she had been. It had been wonderful, romantic and at the same time it gave her a stability she never realized was missing. There were many moments where she still could recall every tiny detail, even though it was nearly seven years ago. Various memories of nervous dates, first kiss, first public display of affection, and of course the day they decided to no longer go out of their way to hide their relationship. But of all the memories that those first months provided, the one that lingered in her mind the most was the moment she first realized she was in love.

It was an unconventional moment but so were they. She didn't swoon with adoration the first time he held her hand in public. She didn't soft with affection when he brought her soup and watched some chick flick with her while she was sick. And while admittedly great, she didn't melt with passion the first time they made love. It wasn't even the day when he reformatted her hard drive for her and she realized, for the first time in her life, that just maybe she did need someone after all.

Yet she couldn't-didn't- deny that all of these gestures contributed to the climactic moment when she realized she was his forever. No, that moment was much simpler that all of those other 'milestone' moments.

It had started with a meeting between Division, Homeland, and CTU. Sitting in a meeting with thirteen other people had been stressful and frustrating, until one of her colleagues said something that sharpened her attention. Looking over to Bill to see his reaction she found him to be doing the same thing with her. Their eyes connected for a brief second before turning their respective attentions back to the front. But it was still the intensity of that moment, that they both thought to think of the other, made her feel that perhaps they shared a deeper relation than she had noticed.

Distracted, they both headed back to his office afterwards to finish the reports from the Logan crisis. Sitting on the couch, she was flipping through testimonies when she let out a sharp gasp.

"Shit," she cried, shaking her hand. She hated paper cuts; they stung like hell and were hard to heal especially when constantly dealing with paper. Though she supposed she should be grateful since a paper cut was the most hazardous thing that could happen to her on the job, unlike most agents.

But before she could properly assess the damage caused she felt her hand being enveloped in his. The warmth of his hand was instantly comforting and she looked up at him; he had his glasses on looking at the small incision left on her index finger.

"Hmm," he mumbled. "Not bleeding, I bet it stings though." And sooner than she could confirm this to be true, he kissed her finger and for a fleeting second ran the tip of his tongue slightly over the cut. The stinging was instantly quelled but her heart was still racing.

"I think I have a band-aid here somewhere, it'll take longer to heal otherwise." He got up without waiting for her response in search of first aid, which looking back was probably best since in that moment she had become so overtaken with emotion.

It was the simplest gesture, tiny, and to others it would seem insignificant or perhaps even strange. And she wasn't sure if it was the action itself that made her quiver or the naturalness in which he did it. Though it didn't matter because it was upon his return, with a band-aid in hand, he began to attend to her finger that she wanted to blurt out 'I love you' and hand her heart over to him. She opted for kissing him soundly, however, and waited another two weeks for making her confession when she was more in control of her emotions.

In her mind, that was the watershed moment in their relationship. Her whole outlook was about to change and deep down Karen knew that she would never quite feel the same about life, love, or paper cuts ever again.


	6. Break Me, Prompt 35

EXISTING VERSUS LIVING 1/4  
**The first of a four instalment series, "The 'Me' Series". For my friend Mak-Happy Birthday!!**

Karen never made it back to L.A. During her last conversation with Bill, after telling him about both their pardons, they had mutually decided to pack up their respective living quarters, his in L.A and hers in D.C, and meet up in Vermont. It was she who suggested it; she figured it would be easier that way. Easier to end her thirty year career and walk away from the only life she could ever trust, without him there. It was an emotional transition she wanted to do on her own. She didn't think-didn't care- if it bothered him or not. She had just assumed he'd want it that way too.

It ended up taking three weeks before she could leave Washington; between the paperwork, cleaning up both her apartment and office and of course the final press conferences. Her communication with Bill had been sparse and was limited to emails. She couldn't explain it, every time she wanted to tell him something, wanted to call him and hear his voice she opted for a short text message instead. She was avoiding him that much she knew-she just wasn't sure why.

When they arrived in Vermont they greeted each other with a brief hug, not the reunion either had hoped for. But there was a detachment between them, a horrible distance not caused by thousands of miles of land but by themselves. The days following were filled with busy work while they began to settle in. Whilst unpacking, they had been able to make idle chatter; "Where should this go?" "Where did you put that box?" But after the last of the boxes had been unpacked and the finishing touches made, silence overtook the house. The intimate aspect of their relationship wasn't much better; the hug being the only physical contact they shared, and while they did share the same bed the space in between them was monumental.

She was sure it couldn't get worse, that this was just a phase. Of course, they were going through this. Three months of being a part, especially after only eight months of marriage, plus the stress of their jobs, it sure to cause tension. She would be worried if there wasn't tension, but she loved Bill and he loved her. _They would get through this_, she told herself. _They just needed time._

When he walked into the kitchen, Karen was leaning up against the counter writing a list of groceries they needed; after surviving on takeout for the duration of the move, she felt like something fresh and homemade. He didn't even pretend to dance around the issue, instead choosing to jump right to the matter.

"Karen," he started. She looked up at him expectantly. "I think we should go to marriage counselling."

His words hit her like a ton of bricks and she instantly felt queasy. She didn't like the word _counselling. _Counselling usually insinuated that there was a problem and they _didn't have_ a problem.

"What?" She blurted out. It wasn't harsh, more confused. Despite everything, she hadn't seen this coming. She thought they were making progress.

He sighed and moved around the counter to face her straight on. "Marriage counselling, I think we should go. Look, Karen, I can't go about pretending like everything that has happened in the past four and a half months didn't happen."

"And I am?"

"Karen, it's as if you don't even think about life pre-Vermont, never mind talk about it! And let's face it-this isn't a marriage. This isn't even living, this is...existing!"

He let out a shaky breath; his emotions were getting the better of him. Shaking his head, he added softly but determined, "And I need more than just an existence."

Her steely gaze held onto his, her heart was in her throat but she would never let him know that. Her defences were up and suddenly this was much more than just a discussion. Setting her jaw and folding her arms across her chest, she whispered "Well then if that's how you feel, then yes. You should most definitely seek therapy."

He closed his eyes in frustration. "WeKaren, _we_ need counselling. Together." But his feelings went unacknowledged as she walked away. _This wasn't the end_, he thought, _merely the calm before the storm. _

But Karen was determined to stand her ground. Both her and Bill were mature, well educated, well spoken adults; they could solve whatever marital issues he claimed they had on their own. She didn't need some shrink psychoanalyzing her and changing her life. And even though he had resorted to not talking to her, she downright refused to go to therapy.

After three days she snapped.

"If you giving me the silent treatment is supposed to break me, you can forget it. I am not going to therapy."

"Marriage counselling," he retorted, as if there was a huge difference.

"Whatever" she spat, waving her hand as she stomped out the front door, slamming it shut behind her. It was only when she was in her car that she was once again reminded that she had nowhere to go.

The days that ensued were worse than anything she had ever experienced, including her previous marriage. She chalked that up to the fact that she loved Bill, and not her first husband. His words hurt, and confused, her. She didn't see why they had to go; yes, she had betrayed him. But she rectified the situation, apologized profusely, and was about to spend the rest of her life making up for it. Why wasn't that enough for him?


	7. Hurt Me, Prompt 23

STALEMATES AND CONCESSIONS 2/4

Days had turned into weeks and the situation at the Vermont Retreat, or so they called it, had remained at a stalemate. He recognized that giving her the cold shoulder was wrong; he just couldn't understand why she refused to get help with him. Deep down he knew he should ask her, confront her, and have a full blown argument with her. He was just so damn upset and scared-why didn't she want to save their marriage?

The sad thing was that they had almost grown accustomed to the pattern they found themselves in; barely speaking and not even the slightest touch. He was no longer greeted every morning to her bright eyes and warm smile, not like she used to. He no longer got to see her dance around the kitchen, not like she used to. He no longer got to hear her laugh, see her smile, receive her kisses, and bask in her love, not like he used to.

He was heartbroken over the entire situation. They had moved past anger and resentment. There was an incredible sadness that overtook their house and the relationship. He felt they were so far gone they couldn't even put a front up for Thanksgiving. He knew their families noticed; the cautious looks they gave each other when they thought he wasn't paying attention. It made for a tense and awkward holiday, not what either of them needed especially with the hell they were going through.

The last straw for him, though, was when he realized that their first year anniversary had come and gone without mentioning, much less celebrating.

Truth be told: he thought of leaving. Not because he wanted to or that he loved her any less than he did before. Yet it was becoming impossible to stay in this shell of his marriage and watch his wife slowly fade away.

But there was a moment, when her mother called, that he saw a flicker of a smile on her face and for just a second he saw _his_ Karen again. A surge of hope seared through him and he suddenly felt a renewed faith in his marriage. If she was in there, hidden deep down below the steely exterior of Karen Hayes, he would find her.

He approached her one night after dinner; she was sitting in front of the fire with the lights down low staring out the window at the snow falling. Sitting next to her on the couch, he took her hand in his. He _needed_ her to feel his desperation. He saw her tear up at that small gesture and prayed that perhaps she was tired their situation too.

"Karen-"

"Don't Bill. I know what you're going to say. You know, did you ever stop to think that your continual insistence that we get 'help', hurts me?"

His heart sank. "Yeah well, did you ever stop to think that your denial is killing our marriage?"

She looked as if he had slapped her. He knew his comment was sharp and probably cut her deep. But her secondary reaction was not what he expected: she burst into tears.

He instinctively reached out for her and he thanked god that at least _some things _hadn't changed. She clung to him and sobbed into his chest. In the two years they had been together he had never really seen this side of her. He wasn't sure exactly what it meant but he had a feeling it was a sign they were on the right path and he made a silent vow to make sure he did everything to keep it that way.

With her consent and by his side, Bill booked their first appointment the next morning.


	8. Save Me, Prompt 31

PROGRESS 3/4

Sitting in the counsellor's office, Bill took the opportunity to study the room as Karen and their counsellor, Charlotte, made small talk.

He liked the room. It was painted in dark neutral colours and the furniture was modern and sleek. It was clean and organized but filled with stuff; black and white photography, words of inspiration on the walls, books on every topic imaginable.

She had insisted they call her by her first name. She wasn't a doctor she told them, but a social worker, and that she believed in equality. They, the three of them, were all there to help each other. He knew Karen had been sceptical of her at first. She had always been drawn to powerful people and Charlotte exuded anything but power. She was intelligent, however, with a Masters in Social Work and numerous other diplomas which hung on the wall.

"I'm not a show off," she said to Bill the first time she caught him staring at the frames. "I hang them because they make my clients feel better knowing that I am qualified to do what I do." She smiled warmly at him and he instantly felt like he could trust her with something as precious and valuable as his marriage.

He also knew that Karen had been secretly hoping that they would get there, sit down, be told what to do and that would be the end of it. But thus far it had proven to be more work than either had been anticipating. Neither of them was used to talking about how they were feeling or what they were thinking. For nearly thirty years it wasn't about what they felt, it was about what they _knew. _

Things were progressing nicely, or so he thought. They were seeing Charlotte twice a week for nearly three months and he could see results. But despite the fact that they were talking more, were spending more time together, and were having sex again, it still seemed so habitual. And while there was no doubt, none, that he loved his wife and was fully committed to her, he still couldn't help but feel that she was holding back on him.

The old Karen was headstrong and while not argumentative, she definitely had opinions which she always voiced with clear determination; she was strong and confidant. From the first day he'd met her he knew that. He also knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, loving her, in spite of his lifelong disbelief in marriage. He knew all this despite the fact that she had him in handcuffs and in a holding room. Then again, maybe that was part of her charm.

But this Karen was nothing like that woman. She was cautious and indecisive; and if he thought back since moving to Vermont, he had made all of the major decisions and most of the small ones. She moved about the house quietly, carefully and always planned her day around his schedule, as if not to 'disturb' him. At first he thought he could get use to this new woman. That it would be nice to have for once a normal marriage with no negotiations.

That had lasted all of a week. He hated being the one in control, it made him feel like a bully-always being the one to have the final word because she refused to. He'd never been a control freak that had always been Karen, or at least it used to be. And he realized that negotiations _were _a part of normal marriages, and that made him want his old Karen even more.

"Bill," came Charlotte's voice interrupting his thoughts. "Karen was just telling me of her thoughts on our progress so far. What do you think?"

This was his chance. He needed to put an end to this charade. It was a gamble, he knew, but he also knew that Karen would only respond if he backed her into a corner-just like when he talked her into coming to counselling in the first place. He just wanted to get this over with so they could start productive counselling and he could stop feeling like such a jerk.

Clearing his throat he gathered all his nerve. "I think that this has been nice, but quite frankly a waste of time."

Charlotte didn't say anything but nodded her head and arched her brow. Karen, however, snapped her head so fast it was a surprise she didn't give herself whiplash.

Sensing that Karen was stunned, Charlotte spoke before she could say anything to undo the progress that had been made.

"Why do you feel that way, Bill?"

Bill, trying his best to act nonchalantly despite the fact that he really wanted to cry, replied. "I think that we've made all the progress we can make. And yes, while things are better I feel that Karen is still not sharing everything with me, with _us_," he corrected himself. "And unless my wife starts being honest then I don't see what else we can accomplish."

"You feel that Karen is keeping things from you?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Trust me, I know my wife. She's confidant, she's strong-"

"I think Karen's shown an incredible amount of strength," Charlotte resolved. "You both have. Counselling is never easy."

"That's not what I mean. Is it Karen?" He asked, turning the tables on her. He needed to get her going.

"I don't know what he's talking about," Karen said defensively, though her eyes were beginning to tear.

"Karen, remember this is a safe place to express your feelings. You might be surprised that to say your fears out loud, they don't sound as irrational as they might in your head," Charlotte encouraged, her voice warm but firm.

Karen nervously glanced between Charlotte and Bill; she folded her hands in her lap in an attempt to keep them from trembling.

"I'm worried," she started shakily. "That if I say what I am thinking that I am going to cause more damage to the relationship and that our marriage will be over for good."

"Well, if you don't say anything at all that will be a sure thing." It pained him to say it but he needed to shake her, even though he knew that he would never have the impudence to leave her. It would kill him sooner than her.

"Bill," Charlotte's voice served as grounding. "Remember this is a non- threatening place. Karen, I sense we have the opportunity for some growth. I would strongly urge you to communicate anything you are feeling right now. Though, I'm sure Bill would understand if you needed to take some time to think this through more."

Karen shook her head, lips pursed together. She was on the verge of breaking, so he leaned over and took her hand in his. That was all it took and she cracked.

Letting out a sob, she clamped her other hand over her mouth. She took a deep breath and shifted to face him more.

"I'm scared, no-terrified," she sighed, taking another deep breath. "I'm terrified that Washington changed me; the people, the politics, being away from you." Tears were pouring down her red cheeks and her body convulsed with emotion, as her voice got louder.

"I'm scared that after months of not being on the same level, that I've changed! And that you won't like-love-who I am now."

Bill sat stunned and the room suddenly went quiet. He moved closer to her, placing his hands on her arms looking her straight in the eye.

"Karen," his voice honest, he felt for the first time in weeks. "I love you. I. Love. You. I always have and I always will. Washington may have changed you, but it certainly didn't change my adoration for you."

She sniffled. "No? Then what was all this counselling nonsense? No offense-" She added in Charlotte's direction, who simply waved her hand.

"Karen, I understand that months of being away, you might have changed. So have I-but I think both of us did for the better. Washington taught us things. It taught us how important we are to each other and we've learned that maybe we did things wrong, handled the separation badly."

"I didn't want counselling because I didn't love you-that was never the case. But after three months of being away from each other, especially so soon after getting married, I think we lost our rhythm, our pattern, you know our groove to which we lived life. Counselling was just supposed to help us get back on track, to help us find a new groove. Honey, I swear up and down-it wasn't because I didn't love you."

"Your resistance to this whole thing-" he added hesitantly. "I thought it was because you didn't want to work on us."

Karen shook her head fervently. "No," she breathed. "I just didn't want you to discover that maybe marrying me was a mistake. I could never stand to lose you-I love you."

"I love you," he said, pulling her into him, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She clung to him and he kissed her forehead. They stayed like that for a few minutes before he pulled back and grinned at her. His first genuine smile in months and it made her heart soar.

Together, they turned to Charlotte.

"What do you think," Bill asked.

"Yeah, can you save us?" Karen teased.

Charlotte could only smile and nod


	9. Make Me, Prompt 33

It had been one year since their retirement and permanent move to Vermont. Life had settled and for as long as she could remember, Karen felt as if things had never been better. Being away from the stresses of their jobs and the congestion of the city proved to be beneficial for their overall lifestyles.

Marriage counselling had continued long after their watershed moment. Having met later in life both had emotional bagging and behavioural patterns from previous relationships that neither wanted to taint their marriage.

Their last session ended one week before their third year wedding anniversary and given they had never real celebrated an anniversary before she wanted to do something special for him.

Leaving the building for the last time Bill reached for Karen's hand and squeezed it gently. Turning to him she gave him a small smile.

"You know for the past year I kinda feel like there have been 3 people in this marriage," he chuckled. "It feels odd now that we're on 'our own'. I wonder if this is what empty nest syndrome feels like."

"Actually it does," she reminisced. "Except I don't feel so alone like I did last time."

"Well that's good," he said quietly placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

Pulling away she grinned. "C'mon. I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise? What kind of surprise?" He asked wearily-it was that glint in her eye that made him suspicious.

"Just relax, it's a good surprise," she reasoned, pulling him toward the car. "A gift."

"A gift?! Ok, hang on," he stopped in his tracks. "You have to at least tell me where we are going."

"Why?"

"So I know where I'm driving," he protested.

Karen lifted her hand and dangled the keys. "Nice try-I'm driving. Now get in."

"You know what," he huffed. "I don't even want to know how you managed to steal those off me. C'mon hand over the keys."

"Make me," she teased before opening the driver's door and getting in.

Rolling his eyes Bill conceded and got into the passenger seat.

Driving down the highway and out of town Karen decided to explain herself to appease him. And so he'd stop pouting.

"I was going to wait until next week on our anniversary to surprise you," she hinted. "But I think today is a special day too."

Thirty minutes later they pulled into a small harbour. Walking down the dock Karen stopped near the very end in front of a long, sleek sailboat and Bill immediately recognized it as the model he had expressed a love for not just two months earlier.

"Ta da!" Karen grinned triumphantly.

"This is the boat that I looked at," he started.

"Yes it is."

"The one that I really, really like…"

"Yes, you do."

He eyed her. "I'm not following."

"I bought the boat Bill."

"You bought a boat?" He choked.

"Yes I bought a boat. I know how much you love sailing and you lost your first one in the divorce. You've been rambling about buying one for years-ever since we moved here- and if I left it to you, you'd still be looking at magazines and never buy one," she let out a huge breath. "So I bought it."

Bill continued to shift his gaze between his wife and the boat, his boat.

"When I called to inquire about it the owner told me that since it was a specially crafted boat there was only one. And there was already another couple interested-"

Bill climbed aboard and began inspecting the size and craft.

"-so I had to engage in a bit of a bidding war. Finally I told them I still had contacts with Homeland, the FBI, and the White House. I threatened to have them put on the no-fly list as well as under investigation for anti-American activities. So needless to say: they withdrew their bid, ha!"

She looked at him nervously as he admired the boat.

"Do you like it?"

He reached his hand out to her and pulled her aboard with him. Wrapping his arm around her shoulder he kissed her  
temple.

"I love it. I'm speechless. I'm just wondering though…"

"Wondering what?"

"Does this mean my gift has to top a boat? Cause that's a pretty high bar to set," he joked.

Slapping his arm lightly she replied "Why don't you take me somewhere on this boat?"

"Well that can definitely be arranged," he said, looping his other arm around her. "Happy Anniversary honey."

"Happy Anniversary Bill."


	10. Cry, Prompt 48

Bill sat in the cold office nursing a glass of scotch and sifting through photo album in front of him. A flash of light filled the room before darkening again. Despite it being mid-afternoon the sky was a dark, stormy gray having rained non-stop for two days. It left the house feeling cold and stark but Bill didn't mind, he felt it matched his mood perfectly. Going through the album brought a surge of memories back to him; some he'd rather forget but he felt as if he owed it to her to reminisce.

One particular photo had caught his eye; it had been taken on the day of his graduation from the academy and two weeks before being deployed by the CIA to the Soviet Union. It was the same picture that his father had on his mantel for years; it was his favourite he claimed. Bill had never considered himself photogenic but there was something about this particular shot-he looked so young with a full head of dark hair, his face untouched by the years of stress, his eyes clear from government secrets. And while he had never been naive, he was certainly idealistic and this picture was a clear reminder of those days.

Closing the album he left the office and wearily made his way up stairs. The silence that overtook the house was deafening. It was so different here than in L.A; the nature, the quiet and he missed it all. He made a mental note to come up to Vermont more often, though at the moment he couldn't be sure he would still feel the same afterwards.

As he approached the master bedroom the doctor was closing the door behind him.

"Its time," he nodded. "I'll leave you two alone."

Bill thanked him quietly and paused outside the door. He stood for a few minutes trying to gather strength to enter but realized that strength would probably never come to him and he was just prolonging the inevitable. Pushing the door open he entered the room.

The woman lying in the bed looked so frail before him and he winced. It was hard for him to see her so pale and hollow, only a shell of the vivacious woman he knew and loved. He turned to sit on the chair by the window when he heard her call.

"Bill," she gasped. It was so quiet at first he thought maybe he heard wrong. But when he turned to check, her eyes were slightly open and her hand reached out for his.

Sitting gently on the bed he took her hand in his. "How are you feeling?"

The woman let out a small laugh. "Oh you know-like I'm dying." But seeing at the incredible pain etched across Bill's face she regretted the words instantly. "I'm sorry, that was in poor taste. Bill, we've known this time was coming for awhile."

"I know," he choked out. "I'm still in denial. I just can't imagine living without you around."

"Where is-" The woman was cut off by a sharp gasp of pain and squeezed Bill's hand until the pain had subsided.

"She's downstairs waiting with the doctor," Bill flinched.

"How does she like the house?"

"She likes it, unusual circumstance though."

"Thank you for bring me here to do this," her voice growing softer. "You know how much this place means to me."

Bill nodded. "I wouldn't have had it any other way."

"Bill, I need you to do something for me"

"Of course," he nodded.

"I need for you to marry her. I need to know that someone will be there to take care of you when I'm gone," the woman softly cried.

Bill could only purse his lips together to keep himself from doing the same. He knew death was unavoidable, but he really never wanted to be in this situation he'd grown to refer as hell.

"I promise. But I don't want to talk about that right now," he paused. "I love you."

Smiling the woman replied "I love you too." With that her breathing slowed before stopping altogether.

*************************************************************************************

Thirty minutes later Bill wearily made his way down to the kitchen. Instantly the doctor and younger woman stood up to greet him. No words were needed as his tired and sad eyes said everything. The doctor grabbed his bag and placed a comforting hand on Bill's shoulder. He had known the Buchanan's for sometime; and this quite a loss. He left the room to tend to his patient leaving Bill and the woman alone for a few moments.

"I made some tea," the woman offered helplessly, her eyes filled with concern.

Bill let out a small laugh and wordlessly pulled the woman close to him. Wrapping his arms around her tightly and pressing a kiss to her head. "I know this week was strange. Thank you for being here."

"I'm glad I could be here for you. Its a beautiful house," she paused. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking we should keep it," he started slowly. "But we should make one of the other rooms the master bedroom. They're smaller but that room to me will always be...hers."

The woman smiled. "I understand-but I meant about funeral arrangements."

"I don't want to think about those right now," Bill sighed.

"Ok, when you do just tell me where you need me and I'll do whatever I can to help."

"Right now I just need you right here. I love you Karen."

Leaning back in his embrace she ran her hands down his face and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I love you too. And I'm sorry about your mom."

Hearing the words for the first time hit him hard; and he wasn't sure if it was hearing the words or hearing them come from Karen that broke his resolve, but it was only then that he allowed himself to cry and he held onto her tighter. Running her hands through his hair, she whispered words of love and comfort. And they stood like that for what seemed like forever while the rain continued to pour outside.


	11. Chapter 11, Prompt 07

The sound of the large clock gonging in the hallway was the only sound to be heard, other than the clinking of cutlery across china. Signalling that it was only 8:00PM, the night was still very young and Bill Buchanan wished the night would just get on with it. He looked awkwardly at Karen sitting at the other end of the table and prayed that she would say something, _anything. _The silent awkwardness was getting to him and by the look on her face he could tell it was getting to her too.

Tonight had been the first night, after five months of dating, that they had decided to host a dinner where all the children could meet. He, of course, had met her children the month before without the presence of his children and she had done the same with his. A few of the kids had met briefly in passing and their opinions of the other had been short and terse. He had hoped, they both had, that things would improve in time for the evening's formal meet and greet with everybody present. They hadn't and things at the present were _not _going well.

He looked to his two children, James and Madison, and then at Karen's three, Joy, Andrew, and Gloria. It was such a shame that they hadn't bonded. After all, they were all young adults in their twenties and were all so alike; he was sure that they would become instant friends, or at the very least civil acquaintances. But perhaps that was the problem. He dreamed that they would all blend beautifully that he sometimes forgot how hard it would be for everyone. The death of Karen's husband still weighed heavily on her kids. And as for his, they were still hurt that their mother decided to move across the globe only to have two more children and call only every once in a while.

"So," Bill started. "Gloria, you are going to Australia after convocation in April? Madison went there after hers, too. Perhaps she can fill you in on some of the hot spots."

Gloria looked across the table at Madison and smiled meekly. "That would be lovely, thank you."

Madison gave a small nod. Silence filled the room again and Bill wished death would hurry up and get to him. This evening was more painful than being shot as a young agent.

Karen cleared her throat and everyone looked up at her.

"Are you all friends now on MyFace?"

Bill's kids chuckled, her kids just looked mortified.

"No Karen, I think the big thing right now is Spacebook."

More giggles.

"Oh," Karen said, as if she understood though her eyes betrayed her. "I don't really understand this current youth culture and its obsession with hop-hip."

"I don't either," Bill said, ignoring the kids' laughter. "Who really wants to buy music from a guy named 'Half a Dollar'?"

"Isn't his name 'Two Quarters'?"

"Mom!" Her youngest finally shrieked in between giggles. "You're thinking of Tupac, and Bill you mean 50 Cent!" With that Gloria got up to get more wine from the kitchen, she felt they would all need it.

"If you think this is bad, you should hear this," James started. "When we were younger, my sister was an avid Hanson fan. My dad bought her tickets for her birthday and even drove four of her best friends three hours to the concert. And the whole time talked about talented he thought the Hanson Sisters were."

The whole table broke out into laughter, minus Bill and Karen.

"I'm not following," said Karen.

"The Hansons were boys, mom!" Joy rolled her eyes.

"Oh," Karen said giggling behind her hand covering her mouth. "Bill..."

"Hey," he raised his hands in defence. "It doesn't say much about their voice quality if me and every other father in America thought they were a girl band!"

"No Dad," laughed Madison. "I think that was just you."

The five kids started exchanging stories while Bill and Karen sat there with growing embarrassment over their parenting debacles. Within an hour of dinner being over, they had collectively decided that Bill and Karen were too dull for them. They quickly made plans to head to the newest night club in town for some dancing and sibling bonding.

With the kids frantically getting ready for a night on the town, Bill helped Karen to load everything in the dishwasher.

"Dinner was wonderful, thank you." He kissed her cheek softly.

She grinned. "It turned out well enough."

"Better than expected. I honestly didn't think they would last as long they did, never mind that they would leave to go hang out together."

"Ah yes, apparently we are too unexciting for them."

"You excite me," he teased and Karen swatted him away, heading for the front door where everyone was gathering. After multiple hugs, kisses, and handshakes they were out the door with promises to call in the morning. As Bill and Karen stood in the doorway, arms draped around each other, he couldn't help but feel a swell of pride in his new 'family unit'. There were certainly challenges ahead of them and they were far from perfect. But it was hearing their distant laughter as they drove away he knew that they were getting there.


End file.
